Equinox Edition – sponsored by….

So sorry readers, yet another sponsored post by Lord Bragg. I do hope his reckless promotion doesn’t spoil your reading.

Starting from where I left off in my previous post.  On Monday afternoon I attended the Well Man clinic! You may remember that I had to prepare and take a urine sample? As I was attending by myself (Jean was at work) the trip had to be really well planned:

Along with a short walk to the car and ideally an appointment time when the car park at the Doctor’s is empty etc etc.

In particular, carrying any items is now an incredibly difficult task for me, dare I say it, precarious. Of course, this time I had the wee sample to fill, pack safely and then transport!

I found a suitable container, ie not too small to cause a biblical flood when filling and not too big to look stupid. I located an old bubble bath container! Aim, fire, err that’s enough, ooops……….. and…….lid on. Then there’s the seal test as I turned it upside down. Hummm, possibly a small leak. Ok, I’ll put it in a food bag and then inside a plastic shopping bag perhaps?

Ok off to the car. Keys in pockets, coat on and walking stick in right hand. I wrap the handle of plastic bag around the walking stick top and start to walk the mere 10 yards to the car. The bag starts to swing and I get nervous as I really don’t want to fall. I get to the car, place the bag on the roof, so that I can use my free hand to open the car door. I then place wee container on the passenger seat, of course checking that it is upright, even though I know perfectly well that it is triple wrapped. Ok it’s all safe. Off I drive, and yippee, as I approach the surgery, I see the disabled space right next to the Doctor’s door is free! I Starsky and Hutch spin into the spot (I learnt from my Mum). I extricate the urine by reversing the aforementioned loading process and limp into reception. Fortunately, it’s empty, and any potential fall won’t be seen.

I can just imagine subsequent visitors picking up Country Life and exclaiming

Marjorie, someone’s spilt hot lemon juice over this copy!

Victoria, same here, all over Pony Weekly, tastes tangy!

However, all is well and I sit down and then lovely Nurse Nicky spots me and helps me with the increasing swinging bag!

All the tests were carried out, including blood tests. I also took the opportunity to have the flu jab. It’s vital guys. Please ignore the anti-vaccine freaks. Just do it to reduce the risk to everyone. No arguments, ok!?

On the subject of transporting dangerous fluids, it does remind me of a friend who was transporting a 5 litre container of fence protector on his passenger seat. I think he reads my blog, so might comment. Keith, if you do and there were extenuating circumstances please correct me. Fence protector might as well be acid. Reckless Keith did not “seat belt this item” in, and had to brake quickly. Yes you guessed it. The container tipped forward and opened. The fluid effectively dissolved the dashboard and glovebox!

I did return to the Doctor’s later in the week to check the results. I don’t know about you, but I, like any good citizen, ask how he is. But my reason is not to be polite and friendly, but to make sure that the person treating me is in a better state than me!!! I do it with all service personnel. For example, when an electrician visits I ask

Can you explain the advantages and disadvantages of ring versus radial circuits?

I am harsh, but fair!

On Wednesday I went for my weekly massage. I have never been on a Wednesday before, and I was in for a huge shock as the normally empty car park was packed with Yoga class attendees! Jeesh! There was absolutely no space. Darn, darn, darn!! Suddenly a space came free, but it was very narrow. I had no choice, as I was near to becoming late for my appointment. in. I tried to get out and heavily kneed the horn as I strained to bend my body out!

That certainly ended their tree pose rather abruptly! Apologies to all.

Have you noticed the days are getting shorter, or longer for my Australian and South African friends? We have just experienced the autumn equinox here in the UK, ie when the light and dark parts of the day are equal at 12 hours each.

ADVERT – So sorry readers, what is he up to now?

Feeling down in dumps, lack of sun? Bragg’s Equinox Relief peps you up at your low times.

note: Only one side effect has been reported known as Equinox Rebound. Please be assured that this is typically a singular sudden event and once “acclimatised” to Equinox Relief no further side effects have been reported.

So sorry readers, this product sounds awful. Apparently he had tested this product on 500 pigeons in our area. I wonder what this Equinox rebound side effect is?

Today we were for a drive….

Don’t buy this medication! Just fight through the shorter days.

Finally on Sunday night Jean and I were out for a meal in Portsmouth. Along with ourselves there were 2 couples still there at the closing time. We were all in different corners of the restaurant. One lovely couple were thanking their waiter for the meal, and as he was from Europe, the diner gently and with humour made a comment

So sorry for Brexit

Suddenly the man from the other couple shouted out

I am NOT!” and launched into a mindless tirade.

It was really uneasy, and thankfully the first gentleman handled the situation well and all calmed down. But it was one those situations when anything could have happened.

We all left for home. I strategically left a packet of Equinox Relief on the provocateur’s table!!

Same time next readers!

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One Comment

  1. Keith says:

    Lee. Far be it from me to ever accuse you of exaggerating or of vastly embellishing your stories to make them more exciting. But. . . If it’s me you’re referring to, yes I did leave work (you were probably still there slaving over a hot computer), called in at B&Q to buy a large tin of fence wood stain, put it on the floor in front of the passenger seat, braked for reasons I can’t remember. The tin tipped over, the lid came off, I pulled the tin upright, got wood stain over my left hand, finished driving home one-handed (another good reason for an automatic gearbox). Then had to retrieve the tin, bail out two inches of wood stain from the passenger footwell, remove the mats. . . Fortunately it was a company car. I don’t want to spoil your story, but the dashboard and glovebox were untouched and intact (but your version does sound more exciting). Keith.

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