To boldly go where no man has gone before…

The ladies’ restrooms!! No don’t be silly. However, the last couple of weeks have seen me burst (literally) on to the scene with my very own Starship, a Travelscoot! As discussed in my last post, I have this great new transport.

The world, at least here in the UK, goes back to work and school tomorrow. Some may be dreading it, but I used to love it. Education and work are the essence of life. You can never stop learning.

Right, first it’s a handy tip for all of you who love saving money.

Summer is the time that our home insurance is due for renewal. Remember all, loyalty means absolutely nothing in the insurance world today, and so make sure you just get the best and appropriate product for the most competitive price.

It was definitely a change supplier year, this year with our current insurer being unwilling to negotiate on it’s increased renewal price. So, it was simple, go to another major supplier.

I am still making phone calls. I just have to take my time and typically make calls in the morning when my voice is stronger. I was particularly smitten by one insurer’s phone process. It indicated that there was a short wait, but I could choose the music to listen to whilst waiting! How cool is that?

Please press

1 for Pop

2 for Jazz

3 for Cliff Richard.

Arhhh I like a nice piece of jazz, let’s press 2.

WRONG, DARN my fat thumbs, I accidentally hit 3! After a quick visit to A&E following just 5 seconds of Devil Woman I returned to continue with the quotation! Apparently I was very lucky, as 10 seconds of CR can be lethal. Someone who only caught 2 seconds of Mistletoe and Wine was in a real bad way, and I wasn’t sure if he was going to make it!

Anyway new insurance was sorted and a stinking good saving made. Make sure that you read all the details and cover everything you need. Remember, you can cover a lot more in a home policy than you think! e.g. A scooter!

Jean and I just spent a lovely week in Norfolk. Going away always involves loads of organisation. Jean made preparations and misplaced an important item. I was being helpful with comments such as:

When did you last wear it, darling?

Unfortunately Jean had appeared to have taken out Lord Bragg Home Security on this valuable. For those of you who haven’t heard of Lord Bragg Security he has 3 home options:

Lord Bragg Security – Bronze – A basic safe with ease of access by following simple instructions on the internet.

Lord Bragg Security – Silver – A safe that is safe and YOU will need an engineer to access if you forget the access code.

Lord Bragg Security – Gold – This is the ultimate security solution for your valuables. Lord Bragg hides it and then instantly forgets where it’s hidden!! What a guy!

Jean finally found said item. And we were all hunky dory!

So off we drove some 200 miles to Norfolk. Jean started off the driving, and we planned to get around the M25 by midday. We were progressing well. Then I suddenly needed a wee! It is actually a symptom of MND, although I think I have always been a bit like this. Anyway, we were on that stretch of the M25, just after Heathrow, where the road is surrounded by bleak lands, and the next services was 25miles away.  The traffic was moving at bladder bursting speed!

It was a I am going to have to stop now, or else a nasty situation is going to occur. Well, junction 17 had a handy country road!!! I look crippled normally. However, staggering with my bladder full up to my lungs is quite debilitating! A handy tip for you, junction 17 has good access for instant relief!

On the seedy subject of public loos, I used my new Travelscoot a lot around the Norfolk Broads and on seaside walks. It has enabled me to get to places that were simply inaccessible, including loos!

No way I was getting urine on my nice drive wheels, so I left it outside whilst I navigated into the loo. A nice man, called Nigel, offered to help but I said I was ok. Besides, he looked really hot in those leather trousers and American Indian Headdress. Why was he wearing them, it was too hot? Fool!

So continuing on this rather smelly subject of public loos, here’s something I learnt in the REAL World this week.

In the UK a lot of disabled toilets are only accessible using a so-called RADAR key. I shall assume that you, like me, foolishly believed this was some kind of electronic key that you wave near the entrance. I have never bothered to get one as typically I have used normal loos, or we grabbed an override key from the establishment.

However, yesterday I thought I’d get one. I checked on the internet. What did I learn?

First, RADAR stands for

Royal Association for DisAbility Rights

Second, it is just a key, yes just a standard metal key! Those override keys I have used are the actual keys! You simply buy them (£3 or £4 each) without any proof of disability etc! So not surprisingly they have been copied etc. A bit more research indicated that there was going to be a new design to prevent misuse etc. However, this was of course a complete load of rubbish. There are some 9000 toilets in the UK with this simple lock. How on earth are you going to redesign without massive replacement!?

So as it turns out, anyone can buy the keys, as I did on Amazon!

But worse was to follow, from a further 5 minutes of Google research. It appears that these RADAR key accessed toilets are used for all sorts of acts in the UK! I won’t go into this further. Just google it!

Anyway here is my access to unspeakable carnal acts, and of course a wee!

On the subject of my scooter it does remind me of a story about my Dad. In his latter years, he used one to get to the charity shop which he and my Mum managed during their retirement. My Mum, on the other hand, always travelled by taxi, as she was never that good at operating vehicles!

Actually, I just have to divert from my story yet again to tell you about my lovely Mum and driving! My Mum has not driven a car since the day she passed her test! I think I know why. Prior to learning I believe she acquired most of her pre-real world driving skills from watching endless episodes of Starsky and Hutch in the 1970s!  My Dad actually gave her the first couple of lessons. Unfortunately, my sister and I came along, sitting in the back seat without seat belts (it was pre-legislation days). I remember one manoeuvre (if you can call it that) when my Mum turned left at a junction, and using her best Starsky skill attempted to let the steering wheel spin back, hands free, into place after the turn. If only Dad’s Vauxhall Viva had the flexibility of a Ford Gran Torino! The result? Rather than the car straightening up on entering the side street, we ended up on the pavement in a bush!

Returning to my Dad and his mobility scooter. One day he went off ahead to travel the 2 miles to the shop, whilst Mum ordered a taxi some 10 minutes later.

During her drive, the taxi shuddered to a crawling pace on the main road. On asking the driver why the traffic was so slow, she received the following explanation:

Sorry love, just look at this old codger slowing the cars down!

It was of course, my Dad!  Mum hid her head in shame and said nothing as the taxi driver overtook!

Finally, this week, I thought my time was up on Friday, when I saw Nick, our friend, with this! The grim trimmer!

I am currently writing my regular opinion update on MND research as a follow-up to my last post back in May in which I discussed some current drug trials and the newly approved drug, Edaravone. Watch this space.

Next week, we see the return of the one and only Hank Bragg in an exciting career change from Country and Western singer!

Until next week, Readers!

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