Heatwave Edition – featuring an “anvil” moment!

Ooooh yet another pesky title, readers. “What has happened now“, I hear? All is well, don’t worry. This special Heatwave Edition has been compiled with Braggseal™ a special transparent ceramic coating that both waterproofs and heat-protects a post! This will enable you to read it on the beach, or anywhere. So no excuses today readers! Please note that your mobile device also needs to be waterproofed for Braggseal™ to be activated! Trust Braggseal™. Otherwise your post could….

Can you risk this? See how a post melts on the servers without Braggseal™

Before getting started this week, my friend Sue is cycling from London to Brighton today (yes Heatwave Day) to raise money for MND. I have just sponsored her, and if you feel like doing the same, all the money will go to the MNDA for research and care. Click Read-Stuart-and-Sue’s-Story to find out more. Sue’s husband, Stuart, was diagnosed a year ago at the same age as me. I will be starting another fund for Sue’s rehydration treatment tomorrow! Stuart did you apply that coat of Braggseal™ to Sue and her bike that I gave you?

Ok, on with the blog. On Wednesday I was walking into our living room when I had a small fall. To describe this one, I will allow your imagination to envisage the chaotic scene through just the power of my words!

We have a coffee table which has a glass top (very thick – it won’t smash), with extremely heavy steel legs in the shape of Samurai swords! It sits about 1 foot off of the ground. I was walking towards this said work of art when I caught my toe in the carpet underneath. I lost balance, but thought I would be ok. My left hand went down on the table, which I imagined would stop me. No!!! it didn’t. The darn table moved down and rose up on one side on its legs and balanced precariously like an anvil hanging from a thin piece of string!

In the meantime I continued my fall, which was entirely unstoppable. This time, I rotated, fell backwards on to a log basket scratching my back and ended up face to the ceiling. Meanwhile the table still creaked on a knife-edge. Jean heard my fall and came running to help, finding me nearly lying under the area where the table, if touched, would fall. A lucky escape!

Aside the near anvil experience, it’s been a great week, with super weather in the UK necessitating wearing shorts. But before that here is a classic anvil experience cartoon…

For those of young readers, you might not remember Wile E Coyote and the Roadrunner, but they were in a great cartoon series in my youth. Sadly today, political correctness has removed such humour from most screens. Hold on, there is Itchy and Scratchy!

BBQs are order of the weekend. We British love them, but most of us don’t have a clue how to actually cook on them. The very best things on a BBQ are chicken thighs, steak and burgers. Sausages are ok, but one false move and you are eating an HB pencil, if you know what I mean?

Onein400 handy tip coming up…

With all the public health advice centred on ensuring chicken is cooked, it typically means most BBQs are served with rubbery chicken. It’s only a danger if actually undercooked. In reality, you want it just cooked 3.5 minutes each side for a boned thigh, turned once. That’s it. It’s about precision again, as talked about in Precision is Vital and does remind me of one of Lee’s life stories! Yes, I know you love these!

When I was young, between 15 and 18, I worked in a Wimpy! Those of you in the know will appreciate that they were the finest burgers and fried food in town back then, and actually even now if you can find one. I know my South African friends are lucky enough to have a lot of the franchise all over their country.

I was a grill chef. Yes, I was that important. I took orders and slammed on the burgers, buns, fish, eggs, sausages etc. I loved it. I enjoyed watching the cafe fill, anticipating the orders to get ahead of the rush, and always wanted it to taste fresh and beautiful.

Now, we had the following sorts of order and there was an abbreviation for each item on the chitties:

Cheese Burger (CB)

Cheese Burger with Chips (CB + CH)

Golden fishgrill (GFG)

Burger (B)

and so on…

And if you wanted more than one it was 2 CB + CH, or 2 GFG. Get it. Simple, really? However, some waitresses started to change abbreviations and specifically the GFG was abbreviated to FG. Mistake!

During  one busy session, I got this order, scrawled

Jeesh that’s a big order, on with the burgers and the 6 fish grills.

After producing perfect plates of fish and burgers I called the waitress.

It was only one GFG! That was a G!! Not a 6.” 

“Precision for goodness sake!

Great days! The other memory that comes to mind was when the egg fryer exploded in my face! I cracked an egg into it, but the oil was too hot, and boom, nicely spattered face and me screaming..

“arhrhhh, oh god help me, my face, my skin, my looks, my future………. scream”

All my manager could say was “Get Steve down asap, we need a cook” Never mind me and my blisters.

After having my head shoved in the sink I was fine and told to stop being a wuss!

Back to today’s world. Although my walking now is poor, my brain is like lightening still. This is useful as I appear to be explaining a lot to Jean about TV news and politics recently. Last week there was a story about the LGBTI community. Jean said I thought it was just LGBT, what is the I?

I said “Intersex

Jean said “We are all ‘in to sex’ how does that make them special!!?

Duh! Look what I have to deal with readers?

On Wednesday, one of our cars was being MOT-ed, so Jean wanted me to take her to a beauty appointment and wait for her. No reason, aside that she just wanted me to be with her! Nice. Anyway, it was like 400 degrees C, so I parked in the shade. She was longer than expected, by which time I was nearly one of those newspaper headlines Woman leaves vulnerable person in sweltering car. Fortunately I survived. But I did have a stern, red and withered face when she returned.

I was cooking the other day and cut open an avocado, a brand new one. I was not prepared for the fact that it was really off! Anyway, we now get our veg from Bragg’s.

You know what you get from Lord Lee! Apparently he has the firmest plums in town!

Finally, as it’s MND awareness month here in the UK, I will be publishing another post this week. It is entitled Chain Reaction.

Next Friday it’s my highly anticipated rollator review with Jeremy Bragg (from Top Rollator) and Jay K Bragg!

You lucky people!

Lord Lee is unavailable currently as he is at an industrial tribunal. He cannot comment about why, but he will be spending next week updating the Bragg’s Enterprise’s Staff handbook, removing requirements 1,2,3c and 7 to 34 of the female dress code!

Lord Lee, what a guy!

Support MND Awareness month #myeyessay. See MNDeyes.org for how to give your support on social media.

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