“Man who owns dogs should always check shoes after mowing lawn” – Confucius Bragg August 2016

Jean and I visited Suffolk at the weekend for a relative’s 60th birthday party. For those of you who don’t know this part of England, getting there takes absolutely ages with traffic, winding roads etc.

We stayed in a wonderful barn conversion, Wheatacre Hall Barns, and cannot recommend enough. We chose a single floor barn with private garden. Perfect for my walking issues.

Suffolk does house one of the UK’s Nuclear Power stations, Sizewell. There are certainly advantages of living within 25 miles of such a place.

You only need one Strawberry for the whole party!

And that mouth ulcer I mentioned in my last post cleared up with 24 hours of being there!

Jean and I used to visit this part of the country every August to visit her Auntie, Joan. She was a great lady, lived until 93. At 91 she was still cooking for us on visits! Quite embarrassing really. I made sure I did things around the house, like repair cupboards to help her.

We were talking about her and her best friend, Audrey, whilst we were there last weekend. It may not seem like the greatest day out to the kids, but one day Jean and I took Audrey and Joan out for a drive. They were sitting in the back and I don’t think I had laughed or enjoyed myself so much for a long time. Stories of their youth just reminded us that we didn’t invent fun, and things haven’t really changed. Joan had a polite way about her, and would use looks to indicate an opinion that were so well timed. Audrey was a different kettle of fish. She just spoke out straight!

On this particular drive I noticed a parachutist in the sky, and made a comment that I had once completed a tandem skydive. Audrey then said that her husband had liked parachuting, but went off it a bit in the war. Her very words were “He enjoyed it until the Germans starting shooting at him and his mates”. I nearly crashed the car laughing.

Joan and Audrey used to go on picnics together, and they got in some right scrapes! Two stories are worth a quick reminisce here.

The first is about a day when they setup a picnic rug and suddenly a white ball landed near them! Yes, on a golf course!

And then there was the day when Joan and Audrey went on a nice forest walk and sat on a lovely bench in the middle of the forest eating sandwiches. During their snack there was a constant stream of men walking down to a bushy area, spending some time and returning. They visited many times, and it was always the same story, with men walking down to the bushy area and back. They loved the area. Someone then told a horrified Joan and Audrey that it was a cottaging area! They picniced very rarely after that day!

They were a laugh! I have taken to using Joan’s “special looks” to describe an opinion. It’s so much clearer than my voice, but also you can indicate across a room to your partner or friend!

The Olympics have been marvellous, and Team GB doing brilliantly. No! World class. We have clearly outstripped both the USA and China on a per capita basis achievements and may even finish above China on pure medals. Apologies to my American friends, but we rule!! You guys are slacking. Yes I know you have Michael Phelps! Actually, I am planning on a Gold bullion robbery, does anyone know where Michael Lives?!  Imagine him phoning his insurance company! “I have 23 Gold medals that need insuring. “Yes sir, who do you think you are?”

Actually that also reminds me of a true story. In England, we once had a very famous snooker player named Ray Reardon. He was like the Michael Phelps of snooker in the 1970s. At the company I worked for, we also had a guy called Ray Reardon, who coincidentally owned a snooker table. I heard him tell a story about trying to get his table serviced, and being told that it would be at least a month’s delay, but they would take his name anyway. He said, “Ray Reardon”, and to his surprise they could do the job the next day!

Oh, just a word for advice for people who meet me. I was asked the other day by someone,

“Am I speaking too fast for you?”

To be fair I can understand why people may think this. A slow voice might indicate slow brain. I just explain, “you can’t talk fast enough!” My brain is working as fast, if not faster than most.

I have acquired a wicked new accessory pack for my rollator this week. A walking stick holder, cup holder and what appears to a  Cornetto holder for 3 ice creams. However, there appears to be no drip tray!


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Finally this week, I just had a practical joke played on me with these, eggs.

I was asked to choose one for my poached egg and then asked to crack it. It was rubber! As I told the practical joker, it is always good to remember the words of the great deep thinker Confucius Bragg:

“She who plays joke on an innocent, defenceless and unfortunate victim, should check her underwear drawer for chilli powder!”

Wise words indeed!

Same time next week, viewers!

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