What’s cooking? Teriyaki Trousers and shoes!

Firstly, I wholely apologise for becoming slack with my posts. For two weeks now you have had to wait until Saturday morning. Last night our daughter in-law, Margot, pointed this out and she said people expect that Friday feeling. So from next week posts will return to Friday 1pm BST! Jeesh, I am even being assessed by family now!

In the news this week, Lord Lee Bragg is heading up his EU campaign, and he is working on a motivation video. It should ready for June 24th apparently!

This week’s post has food at its core and I have a challenge for you at the end!

Monday night is fish and chip night in the onein400 household. I love crinkly chips, and have bags of them in our freezer. Got them out this week and unbeknown to me the packet was half open! The result, frozen chips all over the floor. Then the clean up commenced! Bending down is hard work. In fact picking them up reminded me of the very funny Lee Evans in the film Something about Mary. Try not to wet yourself at Lee’s picking keys up on crutches scene. This is how I looked but with crinkly chips! Mind you not just any crinkly chips, M&S crinkly chips. This video is best appreciated with a mouth full of tea, coffee or corn flakes with milk.

Ready? Ok click Lee Evans crutches scene.

Ok, now that you have cleaned the room, on with the rest of my week.

We have a had spate of car egg attacks in the village recently, and this week my wife Jean’s Mini was a victim!

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Of course, Jean’s language was colourful after this, and what she wanted to do to the yobs is not actually legal in even the most medieval parts of the world. Imagine a revenge scene from the “Game of Thrones”, that sort of anger!

Apparently this recent attack of eggings has prompted action, including the local Co-op refusing to sell eggs to young people! I would revise the instruction, “don’t sell food that needs cooking to people that don’t look like they know what a frying pan is!”

Anyway, let’s hope that the perpetrators grow out of this behaviour. Certainly, Benedict Bragg (Lord Bragg’s son) did.

imageBenedict “eggy” Bragg – in 1989 just before mixing up a mean Hollandaise sauce

He was arrested at the age of 16 after perfectly formed Eggs Benedict Royale started to appear on car roofs and bonnets in his village.

He is now a successful Michelin starred chef serving food on tables made of old cars.

The teriyaki trousers? Well on Wednesday, I was cooking a home made stir fry teriyaki chicken, and the sauce is made by boiling away to a sticky mess. I was doing this when our son, Howard, dropped a pan into the sink, crash! My darn hyper reflexes made my hand flick, and spill 50% of the lava hot sauce on to my hand, down the cooker, and on to my trousers! There is nothing like eating food with a burnt hand is there readers!? Takes away the pleasure a bit.

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Teriyaki shoes – The mess had spread!

I am thinking of writing a cook book, but I need a pen name. Perhaps the “The limping gourmet”. It will be full of wonderful meals spilt on tables, bodies and pets.

Jean is getting with the social media lingo, LOL. I PMSL when she tried to use one of the kid’s wicked phrases this week! I pointed at something, and she said “Amaze bombs”!  We all ducked!

You must forgive us readers, the only abbreviations we used to know are those used in the personal columns in newspapers. You know the sort of thing, GSOH (Good sense of humour) FS (Financially secure) and OT (Own teeth)!

Anyway I saw this ad in a local magazine. What the hell does it mean!?

MBL WLTM DDF X P L for good times and perhaps more. FA and WTR, ACA – Dave.

And why oh why is the word “abbreviation” so long?

On Wednesday, in an attempt to create a ‘secret spy alter ego’, I had arranged to meet my MND Association visitor, Sandy, in a car park to hand over some black tubes! I said “meet me in the disabled parking spot at 11:30. I’ll open the boot, you remove the tubes and then put them in your car. We will then have a coffee, and proceed with the plan”. The plan was to ensure that the MNDA spring rolls could be used at the next MNDA event!

What’s a spring roll I hear you say? It’s one of these. Pictured here at a recent photo shoot for our local city newspaper. Yes, fame at last coming soon readers. You might see onein400 as never seen before! I am a member of the West Sussex South Branch. Big shout out for them, they are fab! Although I hear there is a challenge from a rival group the West South East Sussex South South East Branch!

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Anyway, I often think why don’t criminals employ innocent looking people like Sandy and I. We could do all their deals for them. Who would be looking for us? Surely it makes more sense than using some dodgy, bruiser types in Range Rover Vogues! Anyway, keep an eye out for totally innocent looking people, they are up to no good, I promise you. Keep’em peeled.

The excitement is building for our June 4th MNDA event. Music, a raffle and perhaps even an auction. If anyone would like to donate an item for auction or raffle, please drop me a line on the comments page or Facebook messenger.

This week I am also launching @mentions for donations challenge! The most amusing comment along with a donation on my justgiving site will earn a mention in an upcoming post! Perhaps you will be involved in a Lord Lee Bragg escapade or come under Pamela Bragg’s charms! So witty comments, or alternatively a vast donation please!

Of course it has been our Queen’s 90th Birthday this week. Congrats Ma’am. Lord Lee Bragg has told me that he is going to contact Prince William following his recent interview with the BBC Royal correspondent during the event. Apparently he wants to provide him with some more “suitable” responses to the stupid, banal and patronising questions that he gets from the media for his future use! Should be interesting! Thanks Lord Lee. Lord Lee Bragg serving society since 1963!

Anyway I have to go. Jean is not too happy with me. On Thursday afternoon I was working in our Pine Cabin when a giant bee flew into the room. It was like a plum with wings! My days of rapid ducking and weaving have gone, so I decided to exit the room and work elsewhere. I need Jean to find it. I think it went under some of her paperwork. I have just told her…….

Amaze balls everyone! Same place and time next week all. Well actually Friday 1pm!

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